On today’s episode, I am sharing a little more about something that we all deal with at some point in our journeys and that is outside voices. These are all of the inputs from other people when you’re on your path to motherhood. I put these comments into three different categories: helpful, unhelpful/unsolicited, rude.
The most important thing to remember before we get into these different categories is that we do not have control over how anyone else shows up. We only have control over how we show up. We cannot change what people are saying. We can only set the boundary and hope that they follow through. If they don’t, we have to accept that and we may have to separate ourselves from that relationship in this phase of life unfortunately. It may sound harsh but some relationships may not be able to continue in this phase of life if boundaries are not held.
The 3 categories of comments:
1. Helpful
These are great! Find yourself communities where you can hear these helpful comments. If you are searching for a community, join us on Instagram (@sarahbrandell). Send me a DM, I’d be happy to chat with you. Facebook groups may be helpful to you. Support groups may be helpful. Find women around you that understand and can support you.
2. Rude or inappropriate comments
These are comments that are flat out rude. These are actually probably not as common or frequent if we’re being honest. A lot of times these are more unsolicited than anything. But a the end of the day, that is for you to decide. It’s not for me to decide. If you feel a comment was inappropriate, it’s your job to set a boundary. You can say something like, “I’m no longer willing to discuss this topic with you. Please do not bring it up around me anymore or else I will be able to speak with you.” And follow through with keeping that boundary.
3. Unsolicited comments
This is the most common category. These comments can be hard. But, I have found this to be helpful for both myself and clients. Try to come from the assumption that the person talking to us, no matter who they are, is trying to be helpful. They’re trying to mean well. I know that doesn’t feel like that in the moment, but try to think about it from a place of “this person is trying to be helpful.” This person is likely trying to make everyone in this conversation feel better. It’s instinctual.
Our brains typically want to go into react mode. We may come back with a comment that we’re not proud of or we may internalize it or build resentment for that comment. We will hold onto it and it will hurt our relationship and eventually we will hit a breaking point. This can escalate quickly and erode a lot of your relationships. So instead of walking around with that negative energy and resentment, I want you to first accept that when frustration comes up, acknowledge it, accept it, notice it and allow it to be there. Then I want you to redirect this new assumption — “This person is trying to be helpful.” This redirects from frustration to curiosity. This brings us into a neutral space. And from there we can be more intentional with our responses. If you allow yourself to come out of that frustration energy into a neutral energy, you can respond with a honest, true, response that doesn’t attack that person.
Over the next few weeks I want you to try this and come back and tell me about it. Tell me what worked or didn’t work. I’d love to hear more from you @sarahbrandell on Instagram!
IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:
- Outside voices
- Helpful comments
- Getting in community with others who have helpful comments
- Unsolicited comments and how to navigate them
- Rude comments and how to navigate them
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:
- Check out episode 2 to hear more about allowing emotions on your TTC journey.
- Get your 2 week wait workbook here: www.sarahbrandell.com/twoweekwait
- Interested in getting some coaching while you are on this path? Sign up for a consult call here: www.sarahbrandell.com/apply
MORE ABOUT THE PATH TO MOTHERHOOD PODCAST:
Welcome to The Path to Motherhood Podcast. I’m your host Sarah Brandell and I’m a fertility life coach, wife, and a mother on a mission to help you manage your mind and emotions around fertility and trying to conceive. I know where you are because I’ve been there. I have been through the long journey to motherhood, the waiting, the appointments, the testing, the unanswered questions, the medications, the shots and I am ready to help.
This podcast is for you if you are ready to learn how to navigate your path to motherhood authentically while honoring the emotions but also cultivating some hope. Join us each Monday as we walk through how to use the power of coaching to not only feel better along the way but also feel like you have an identity out of just trying to conceive.
Connect with me on @SarahBrandell on Instagram!
Download your free 2 week wait workbook here: www.sarahbrandell.com/twoweekwait
Ready for one on one coaching? Schedule a free consult call here: www.sarahbrandell.com/apply